you are either with us, or you are against us


So maybe I need to be done with this whole Facebook thing. I
was reading through some comments today at lunch and found this precious nugget
written by a “friend” from my hometown:(side note, I added the (Obama). Everything else, mistakes and all, are her words.)

“Well anyone that says he (Obama) has brought us all
together blacks (and I am NOT racist), whites, mexians and gays can kiss my
behind because don't put me w/ GAYS! NOT bashing gays because that is there way
of life but I DONT believe in it and don't want to be put w/ them!”

Clearly she is not happy with last night’s election results.
And I whole heartedly believe that she is entitled to her opinion. But when you
feel that you must preface your statement with words like, “I am NOT
racist” or “NOT bashing gays,” well you probably are doing both of those
things. And just so you know, your words hurt. I’m so sorry that you can’t see
past your small-mindedness. That you don’t understand the fact that we are all
Americans, you know…strike that, we are all humans, and should be treated equally and with respect.

I have never understood how my being gay affects other
people or how they live their lives. And further, I don’t understand how the
prospect of wanting to marry my partner of nearly 8 years affects anyone else
other than the two of us. If you’re against same sex marriage I’m probably not
going to invite you to the wedding. So bonus, you don't have to buy us a gay gift. I have plenty of family and friends that
love and support us. And don't worry, I’m not going to ask to be married in your non-welcoming church.
The lighting and decor, is just not our style. I just believe, in all of my heart, that the love that Greg and I share is no
different than any love that any other couple, gay or straight, share. I don’t
understand, how a majority of people can vote on how a minority of people may
live their lives, it just seems so counter to what this country is all about and what it was founded on.
My favorite line about this whole situation comes from comedian Wanda Sykes, “If you’re
against gay marriage, then don’t marry a gay person.” That decision, that legal decision between two loving and consenting adults, just shouldn't
be voted on.

I really hate to use a line from George W. Bush, but I think
it hits the nail on the head about how I feel right now, “You are either with
us, or you are against us.” I just don’t know that I have any more time or
energy that I can spend on people that do not believe that Greg and I are
entitled to a legal civil marriage. And please don’t give me that bull-shit
about how Civil Unions should be just peachy for us. That’s called separate but
equal, and you know that it wouldn’t fly for straight couples. So, have I created a litmus test for relationships in my life? Well, I guess I have. You are either with us, or you are against us. And if you are against us, please go away. Move to Arkansas, where they just voted to ban unmarried couples from adopting or becoming foster parents. That effectively eliminates all gays from adopting, since we can't marry.

As I mentioned earlier, Greg and I will celebrate 8 years
together this December. Many marriages don’t make it that long. In those 8
years, we’ve watched other straight couples meet, fall in love, and marry. We’re
still waiting our turn. How long, dear citizens of Ohio,
citizens of the United
States, will you make us wait?



4 Comments Add yours

  1. Brett says:

    Mike you so hit the nail on the head with this post! I too am sick of the bigoted bullshit from some people!

  2. Tom says:

    I agree. Civil rights should not be up to popular vote. It is especially disheartening to see “Christians” doling out this injustice. That has put me increasingly in conflict with the Church. I was just reading demographics of the vote from exit polls in CA on prop 8. Those under 30 voted by almost 70% no. Those over 65 voted almost the same for prop 8. It appears that the old b*stards just need to die off.

  3. Phil says:

    Thanks for such an honest post. Sorry you had to read those words, shame that with as far as our community has come, there are still miles yet to go. Your love for Greg and his for you is inspiring and I’m thankful to see such positive role models in my friends to show me what a quality relationship, gay or straight, can be.

  4. Ryan says:

    What I find so unfathomable in this day and age is that when the incidence of such a dreaded disease like cancer is on the rise, when people are having difficulties staying in their homes, and retirement is now a future dream for some, that people can still be so filled with hate on issues of race or sexual orientation, neither of which, to your point, really hurt anyone, or can be controlled. Even the mere idea that white supremacists still live in the year 2008 and were plotting assassination attempts boggles my mind. And when two people are committed to one another and have shown time and time again love and demonstrated that commitment, I just don’t understand why anyone else would try to be involved in that relationship – why is it my place or anyone else’s to tell you how to live your life? In a time when 50% of married men will cheat and 25% of married women will do the same, please tell me what sanctity of marriage is? We have so many other things to be worried about. We can not allow these issues to continue to separate us. Quite frankly, the person who posted that blog is ignorant – plain and simple. She may not be stupid, but ignorance is just a plain lack of knowledge.

    But I would encourage you, no matter how difficult, to try to not retreat into your own world but to try to continually extend olive branches. Because while some will probably always shun you, it is with true understanding that progress is made. And fear drives people – so if people meet you and Greg, see how great you are, and really get to witness your commitment, they just might change their mind – and open it all at the same time – and no longer will they have underlying fear.

    I felt compelled to post. I would support your marriage, hope to be invited, and know I would love the food! I am convinced we will see it in this lifetime. It won’t be easy, but nothing worth having ever is.

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